A Tale of Toe - Dark Days 2.0: The inner turmoil of dealing with a bruised toe

Even after all this time, after the doctor said I have nothing to worry about, I still worry a lot.   From an above view my toenail looks okay, but from a side view, it’s puffy and raised at the base :(   And as the days go by, I feel more pains.   Will it really be okay? I went to see another doctor for a second opinion, and although he also said it should be okay, he didn’t sound as optimistic as the first.   I asked for a referral to a foot specialist just to get an “expert’s opinion”, but even after a week, they haven’t called me.   I feel so disappointed and saddened.   Sure, on the surface, it’s a bruised toenail, but I have other pains that I wanted to ask about too.   And despite what others say, I still believe it’s more than just my toe now, I think there’s something wrong inside that’s affecting or had affected my skin so that it’s not keeping its moisture, and not sweating like before (unless it’s really just old age, but I don’t think ...

Yesterday I had an in-person doctor’s appointment.   Good news: the toenail and bruise will grow out in time (a very long time), though he did say I cut the corner too short so it’ll be painful there.   I’m hoping eventually as the nail grows out that I’ll feel less pain as it is a constant reminder of what I shouldn’t have done, but well, what can I do now but wait and see. Bad news:   I’d been stressing so much about my toe and all the “what ifs”, and “why didn’t I?”, that I inadvertently caused burning pain to well up in my abs and right side (even my back started hurting today).   This was because my stomach acid’s PH levels became out of whack and started causing havoc to my stomach lining, and small intestines.   All the while I thought that was just a jittering physical reaction to my welling of overwhelming feelings of sadness and deep depression.   I even had insomnia because of the pain and intruding thoughts, and as the days passed I got less an...

For this Entry, I’ll go into more detail about what the Dark Days are, and where my “other” company comes into play, as I didn’t elaborate much in Entry 1. Now, where to start… First off, I like to believe that whenever something happens, whether good or bad (especially, when it’s bad), that there’s a reason.   Not just a simple, “Oh, it’s because you forgot X” or “You didn’t do Y”.   I’d like to believe there’s more to it than that, and even though the reason may not be apparent any time soon, it would eventually reveal itself, and then all the strife endured was not for nothing.   At least, that's what I hope and that’s what gets me through the day, but sometimes the situation just gets too overwhelming, and thoughts of regret start flooding in…Hello, Dark Days! During the Dark Days, nothing, and I mean nothing, can get me out of my mental rut of depressing thoughts, and cycling of “whys”.   In this case, “Why didn’t I clip my toenails?!”, “Why didn’t I buy new sho...

Hi everyone, it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything here, I hope you’ve all been doing well and staying safe :D   As for me, I wish this was a happy or fun post, but it’s totally not… Don’t let my profile blurb fool you, this series will be depressing, dark, and possibly kind of mental.   But with all that’s been going on, I’m hoping this will be good outlet and way to cope with how I’m feeling as even though outwardly I am moping a lot and it’s obvious (to my husband), it doesn’t compare to the struggle inside which is really much tougher to express (as I would sound really crazy), but what better place to put it out then on the internet, right? I don’t know if anyone else will ever read this, but just in case someone else does happen upon this and is feeling the same way as me, I’d like to hope this will help them feel better in knowing they’re not alone. Disclaimer:   Since this is the first entry, it will be kind of long, and more of a summary of wha...